The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent as well).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to incredibly difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce additional reading emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, closeness, love, and well-being .

But when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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